Do you think you’re a good guest? You probably are. But even the kindest, most well-meaning houseguests can (unintentionally) drive their hosts up a wall. 😅 And because most hosts won’t actually tell you what’s bothering them, we will.
Here are five guest habits that actually make hosting harder and what to do instead.
You think you’re being polite but really, your host is still in pjs.
Unless it’s a potluck or a work event, don’t arrive early. There’s a very real chance your host is still lighting candles, pulling things out the oven, or finally brushing their teeth.
Instead: Aim for 5–10 minutes after the official start time. That’s the golden window.
It’s a nice offer, but it puts the emotional labor back on the host.
Most hosts won’t feel comfortable asking for help when they’re already mid-chaos. That phrase sounds generous, but it can turn into one more thing to manage.
Instead: Be specific. “Do you need an ice run?", "I can arrive early to help with setup, want me to?”
No. Just...no.
“Oh, I hope it’s okay I brought…” is rarely followed by something your host actually wants to hear.
Even if the vibe is casual, even if kids or partners are usually welcome, always give a heads up. Every added guest affects food portions, seating, and prep. Especially during the holidays when hosts are stretched thin.
Instead: Ask. A simple text gives your host a chance to say yes or to protect their bandwidth.
Not every host will put up the "Please leave by 9 PM" banner, or says the universal “well, I’m gonna head to bed” cue. But when the wine’s gone, the music’s faded, and they’re washing dishes mid-conversation… the party’s probably over.
Instead: Pay attention to cues! If the group starts thinning or the host stops offering refills, wrap it up. Want to keep hanging? Suggest a follow-up coffee date.
“This turkey’s a little dry, huh?”
“We can barely hear the music!”
“These napkins are… festive.”
Even “funny” comments stick. If your host is already self-conscious, little jabs land harder than you think, especially during high-stress moments.
Instead: Compliment what is working. Say thank you. Be gracious. Gratitude is the best party trick.
It’s not hard, just be thoughtful! Respect your host’s time, don’t surprise them, and pitch in when/if they need extra hands.
And if you’re the one hosting, you deserve to enjoy the party too. A personal assistant or home concierge can handle all the prep so you can show up relaxed and stay present.
Follow @QueenofToDo on Instagram for more real-life hosting (and guesting) help, organizing tips, and home hacks without the overwhelm.