Bearing It All EP 1: Friendship & Connection with Michael Blackard

Kate (00:03)

So hello, hello, and welcome to our very first episode of the Bearing It All podcast. I am your host, Kate Ginsberg, founder and CEO of Queen of To Do. I am so thrilled to introduce you all to Michael Blackard. He is the founder of Friend'em, an incredible app that helps adults make friends. Michael is perhaps the most incredibly warm and enthusiastic human I have ever met. And he gives an amazing pep talk.

Michael, tell us about what brought you to this moment in your journey.

Michael (00:36)

Kate, thank you so much for having me. I am so thrilled to get to speak with you some more and get to connect and share more about Friend'em. So again, my name is Michael Blackard. I am the founder of Friend'em. We help people make friends and be better friends with themselves. Our biggest goal is to make life easier. We are currently in a global loneliness epidemic. Loneliness has been researched and studied and has been found to increase mortality rates to lead to damage in people's bodies more more catastrophically than smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. All of these facts have been found and so I know that I can help people rebuild their toolkits for social interactions and build more confidence in themselves and ultimately be better friends to themselves. So that is what Friend'em is all about and we do that in numerous ways through one-on-one coaching as a holistically trained coach. I can help you understand what you need in the moment and help you build towards your future that you striving for. I also put on workshops. I like to have a lot of my in-person workshops be free with our virtuals having a nominal fee because I want to make this as accessible as possible so that we can start building communities of empathy and building communities of connectivity and building empathies of innovation and just brilliant. Since there's so many ways that people can shine we just need people to feel that shine for themselves.

And so yeah, I appreciate it.

Kate (02:10)

I adore everything about your mission.

Michael (02:17)

Yes, yes, yes. So as a 10 year goal, Friend'em wants to build an application so that when people...come into our platform. People get to practice and learn new skills or philosophies when it comes to your platonic relationships, your friendships, or even your business casual relationships and your grocery interactions and your familial relationships and even be better partners from a romantic sense. But our focus is platonic relationships because that kind of love is just as important as any kind of other love that we can experience, right? So

Kate (02:56)

I love that you're on that. That's, that's amazing. I feel like so many people are uncomfortable with the idea of telling someone who is not a romantic partner, I love you. Like, it's, it's just not something we're used to. And so

Michael (02:57)

It's very, very important.

Kate (03:13)

As I have learned more about you and your business and how you move through the world, it's been fascinating that you have embraced that kind of platonic love so fully. And I adore it. I love everything about what you're doing. Since meeting you, I have made a point to tell my friends. I...love this. I love our friendship. I love getting to spend time with you. You are an incredible human and I love you so, much. It just makes such a difference and so many people don't ever hear that when they're not in a romantic relationship, you know. So it's so incredibly important and I think like...

I think in both of our lives, the pandemic caused this like significant shift in how we interact with people and how we show up in the world. And it's a huge part of why I am launching this podcast is because as I was attending networking events and things, like it was all so like surface level and transactional. And that's not how.

That's not how I want to show up for things. And it's, I want those deeper connections. And so many times, especially as entrepreneurs, we're expected to kind of have it all together. And when you're going into networking, you want to present yourself as a super successful person. And like, that just feels very disingenuous to me. And it's so hard when you look at everybody else in the room and they seem all put together and you're like, my God, I'm a...I'm a fraud. They're going to find out. like, learning that and talking about, no, we're all just kind of doing the best we can. you know, admitting that like adults don't always know how to make friends. And that sounds so silly because kids do it so naturally. And so when I learned about you and friend, it was actually through Heather, my business partner, was immediately sold on what you do. And so I am so excited about our conversation today because it, I am really hoping that companies like yours are on the forefront of this push, this whole cultural shift towards authentic connection and building those skills because it really is all about our connections with other humans and figuring out how to navigate those in a way that is very impactful and whole.

Michael (05:53)

1000 % and I really appreciate all of these compliments that you're giving me. I really want to plus one a lot of the efforts of, ⁓ of what you just say, congratulations on, on telling your friends that you love them and that you appreciate that friendship and that you're right. A lot of people are not hearing about these things. So if I can just gush about all the things that you do on top of those things, right? Like the last time that we had lunch together, I was explaining that I am completely enamored with all the things that you do and what your businesses strive to do, right? You help people get things done. You give people back time in their day. The amount of agency that you're providing people cannot be understated. That agency is allowing people to feel less stressed, is allowing them to tackle other problems. You're getting to do all the things that make you feel good and tackle all the things that make sense for you all. There's so much synergy and there's so much that you're removing from the playing field as it were, right? That you all can solve bigger and better problems. Your business is getting to succeed. They're getting to take care of their family or take care of other initiatives. Like there's so much brilliance in all the things that you're doing. So thank you so much for the positive impact that you're making on this world with every job and every person that you do and help.

Kate (07:22)

Thank you. You are so sweet. Yeah, that's one of those things where like when I was in the work, it didn't really click. Like I was just helping people mostly fold laundry into dishes. But as I've kind of stepped back into my CEO role and learned who am I as a CEO, because I've never done this before, this was not my life plan. And so being able to step back and see those impacts and see how the relationships are improving.

When people aren't completely maxed out, and I'm sure you see this in your work as well, when people aren't completely maxed out, they have space to mentally process and think about how do I better connect with other people now that I'm not swamped with responsibility and survival.

It changes things when you find, when you start building trust and asking for help, whether it's through my work as a personal assistant or home management provider or yours where you're teaching people how to navigate these relationships. Like again, a lot of people haven't made a new friend in decades, you know, like you kind of end up with your work friends, but like you you're not exposed to people day in day out. Like we are as kids at school, you know, it's so easy when you're sitting next to somebody. But now that so many people are working remotely and like we've just become so disjointed and you and I have talked about this where, know, like it used to be family, extended families would live in that same neighborhood and like that support system was just kind of built in and we all grew up with all of our cousins real close. And now that we're so kind of nuclear family, you know, no one else lives close. You have to figure out how to build that connection into your community. it's hard when you're your time is all eaten up by work and kids and laundry and dishes and all the other things that you have to do in this day and age. So it's bonkers and it's so much, but having those options where you can say, I don't really know what I'm doing. I haven't made friends in ages, help me.

Like it's incredible and I love everything about it. And I really do hope that you and I are on the front of this like cultural shift towards having these conversations without shame or guilt or any of the other stuff that has been heaped on. You know, like the expectation that we do everything ourselves from making dinners and buying groceries and running errands and doing all the things and also trying desperately to maintain friendships, you know, and understand, I'm sure you also talk with folks about like, friendships aren't always necessarily long-term lifetime friendships, and that's okay. Like as we grow and change as people, our friendships shift and they change, and that's okay. It's a natural progression. On that note about growth and progress, we have our questions. So.

Michael (10:43)

Yeah!

Kate (10:44)

We have 10 questions here. Michael, I would like you to pick a number, 1 through 10. All right. One, two, three. I had grand intentions to get fancy envelopes for these. It didn't work out. OK, so question three is, I love that this is the one that you got. How has building your business impacted your personal life or relationships? Were there any sacrifices you did not expect?

Michael (10:50)

Three.

Ooh, ooh, that's hard. So I'm going to buy myself some time while I think about this answer by plus wanting what you were just saying about making friends, right? One of the big championing initiatives for Friend'em is also helping people be better friends with themselves.

Kate (11:19)

I know. Totally fine.

Michael (11:33)

And there is this huge push for self-care. There's this huge push for showing up authentically. Friendship isn't just a momentary thing. It's what you exist in. It is the agreement that you set between you and one other person, but it also is the agreement that you set for yourself. So what are the ways that we are establishing things for ourselves? And I love the services that you provide and how it impacts people because ultimately that's people investing in themselves being a better friend to themselves and recognizing this is something that I need help with and going out and getting that so they can go do the things that make them even happier and have all of those other things that eat up our time between commutes and work and chores and dishes and and and and right and leaving that to somebody that they trust like you

Kate (12:21)

always have it.

Michael (12:24)

So the way that that dovetails into this answer now that I've gotten to think about it because I'm multi-threading right now is that I I knew that I wanted to be an entrepreneur, but I didn't know what it was. And I needed to be a really, really good friend to myself in understanding. I am not going to succeed immediately. I am not going to know everything. There's so much to business that I thought that I knew that I thought that I understood and I didn't know it at all. And I have had to

Kate (12:30)

I love-

Michael (12:54)

her

Kate (12:55)

Ha!

Michael (12:55)

A phase of receiving. I have always been the person, because in my background as a video game producer, I've had the agency to help others. And now I am in the position where I need the help. And I have to sacrifice my vanity, I have to sacrifice some of my veneer that I put up and those those blocks and those shields where I have it all together and have to admit, I don't know what I'm doing. And I really need my handheld and I need to be a princess please help me what am I supposed to do right and and admit those things as I'm putting stuff out there I'm also a recovering perfectionist so even this week I I made this flyer for all these events that I posted and all these things that I'm gonna put around Austin and post online and I ended up getting some opinions from some of my friends and some of my mentors. They're like, yeah, this looks great. And I talked to one of my other teachers and they're like, yeah, so you're not talking about yourself at all in this. I don't like, yeah, you're posting about this one particular event, but like you aren't selling yourself. And I'm like, what do I do? I'm having conflicting feedback. So like I've had to sacrifice this need for perfection and recognize I'm not going to please everybody. Let's just ship it.

Kate (14:14)

And people pleasing.

The people pleasing.

Michael (14:18)

The people-pleasing, because I don't want to hurt anybody else's feelings by not taking their feedback. So let's just post what I have and then make another version and send that out too. And hopefully I'll learn for the future. So like I've had to really humble myself. I've really had to sacrifice a lot of these.

I guess more snooty aspects of me that I thought were powerful and I thought that they were the cool thing and they're not the cool thing. And it's not helping me grow and having to really sit down with Brash Taxes and recognize this is what I want. This is what Friend'em is. This is how I help people. And here's how I'm going to go about doing it.

Kate (15:00)

Yeah, it's a journey for sure. And I too, I have eldest daughter syndrome straight through, you know, like the people pleasing, the perfectionism, the I have to do it myself, you know, like, whoo buddy, that is a lot to unwind. And it is, I am about two years into Heather telling me, you gotta get out there, you're the face of the company. And I went, like, I am an introvert through and through COVID real good for me. Didn't have to leave my house. Everything could be delivered. Didn't even have to talk to a human on the phone to order things. Like boop. And it just like magically appears. That's my jam.

However, one-on-one connections, those I can do. Those I love. Those feed my soul. And so to be the face of the company, and I always show up, I'm like, this one? And she's like, that's the one. But just realizing I don't have to be my mental image of a professional woman. I can show up in a way that feels really great for me. And I... can put my all into going to a networking event and also saying, I've been doing this work 14 years. People hear that and they're like, my God, you know what you're doing. And I'm like, no, please, no. Let me tell you all of the help that I have had along this path because there's been so many people, whether it's somebody saying, there's this great program you should try, or here's a resource, or why don't you send that to me and I'll look over, you know, like this stuff. And people just being truly kind and generous with their knowledge and their time, those are the things that make me look like I know what I'm doing. It's not that I have all the answers or that I have, like I am a baby CEO still. I am two years, two years? God, no, we're moving on four. We're moving on to four years of having employees. Like time is weird and wonky. And you know, like we're, but I'm still so much figuring it out. Yes. I have a lot of answers as far as, you know, you're just starting out your company and here are some pitfalls. Like, don't try to muscle through bookkeeping on your own. Like that should be one of the first pieces that you hire someone professionally to do that for you because like trying to unwind that two years, three years down the road is a nightmare. Like those are the life lessons I will impart to you is no, let me tell you about my mistakes because like those are the ones you should not make.

Michael (17:57)

So I'm making this face because I've spent the last week and a half doing my accounting to get it ready for my accountant because I know like I'm not gonna hand off this spaghetti to this guy. Like my accountant is like the sweetest person on earth. Like I couldn't do this to him. Let me like untangle at least some of it. it's like, I'm so glad that you said that.

Kate (18:01)

No!

Like, no, having a clean set of books is critical. And like, it has been worth every cent we have paid bookkeepers to like, just keep on top of them. And it like, and I say that from the position of, I have the luxury now of having cashflow to support that. And so like, I get why people do their own bookkeeping and that is where we started. But being able to say like, as soon as you can, prioritize getting a bookkeeper who will help you stay on top of these things because the sanity that you will save is huge. And so like, I really just want to communicate that to our audience where showing up authentically and saying, I don't have all the answers, but here's what I've learned and like, and not pretending that I've done everything right or along the way. mistakes, daily occurrence. We are figuring it out, but being able to say, I am, am fucking things up left and right, but we're still finding a way forward and finding a way that like feels really great to us. And I love that you bring that up as being a good friend to yourself.

We talk a lot about alignment. Like, does this align with who we are as people and what our values are? And what does this allow us to do as far as moving towards our goals of being able to donate generously within our community and paying our team really well? are we donating to nonprofits that really align with our vision, our goals, our values? And just continuously showing up but noticing how does this feel for me? know, like people forget to take that into account. Like it's good for everybody else, but if it's terrible for you, that's not, that's not being a good friend to yourself. That's not being, and it gets framed so much as being selfish. And it's really not. It's allowing you to continue forward and not burn out and not feel like you're always the bottom of the list. You're not always getting the scraps. Like everyone deserves better than scraps. And the first step is being a good friend to yourself and making sure that you are making decisions that align with you as a person, whatever form that takes. And sometimes that means saying no. And as you know, recovering people pleaser, that's a real hard word for us.

Michael (21:07)

It's very hard when there is a fear that that relationship will disintegrate or you will be abandoned or all of these things. And so it is hard. But one of the other challenges and initiatives that we want is to remind people that we're all some level of either addicted or attached or longing for noise.

Kate (21:16)

⁓ deep in the.

Michael (21:35)

And there is nothing more peaceful than silence sometimes. And friendships, relationships, interactions, there doesn't need to be big bombastic...revelatory situations or anything like that. Being able to just breathe in a moment and find that alignment and hear that alignment because there is no explosions happening in the background. There's no, need to go do that. There's no anything. It's just this feels right. This is the right answer. I did this. Now there's more calm. You can't put a price on that.

Kate (22:02)

Right.

Ease, that is, that's the dream, is just ease. And it's incredible as I've done more personal and professional development and growth, like the ease when it comes, you're like that's what this is supposed to be like. And like, I count myself very, very lucky and blessed to have found that ease, kind of bits and pieces at a time. My husband, Mike, like, he's got some health issues. Like, our life is not what most people will look at and say, ⁓ they have it easy. Like, that is the opposite of what so many people see. But really, like, our life is...full of ease and connection and like just, I never have had a moment of, ugh, I don't wanna go in the house. You know, it's always been like that, like don't get me wrong, there is plenty of chaos in our lives, but it's not in the relationship and it's not those dramatic highs and lows. It's just consistent like this really feels good. Like he is my person and like, and finding people for, same thing, the platonic love of friends and finding those connections where it's not a constant effort on your part. It's pouring into each other back and forth and not keeping track of points and who's ahead and well, so-and-so did this favor for me and now I owe them. Like removing that component, it's amazing how much ease that brings, but both people in the relationship have to be on the same page with that and not secretly counting points or secretly having rules that the other person doesn't know about, you know. And that's where it gets so tricky for adults, I think, is we're so used to that transactional nature of so many relationships and stepping back from that component to find those connections and find the common ground and show up in a vulnerable way, especially early on in relationships, is so hard for so many people. And so that's where I'm just in awe of what you're building. Like, it's gonna be huge. And I'm so excited to see it at the very beginning stages because it's gonna be incredible the way this is all going to shift how we interact with each other and how we show up.

Michael (24:40)

I appreciate it.

Kate (24:55)

And how we break down that facade of, course I have it all together, none of us have it all together. We just don't. Humans are messy. We are doing the best we can with a world that is so, so quickly changing and finding people like you who are finding, like building our own special little ways of making it better, looking at what exists and saying,

It doesn't have to be like this. It doesn't have to be hard and constantly tip for tat and, you know, keeping track. Like it's exhausting to me to keep track of cars.

Michael (25:36)

And there's, yeah, and there's, I'm sorry for interrupting. There's no one set weight either.

Kate (25:40)

No, it's OK. Go.

Michael (25:43)

A lot of people have approached me and said they don't know that they're making friends the right way or they don't know what the right way is to make friends. And there is no right way. There is no right way to go about life. There's no right way to do any of all of this. The people who are wildly successful with their friends all have one thing in common is that they're caring about the other person.

Regardless of how close a friend they are, they care about the other person. They want to see that other person succeed. And there is a mutual want there. It is not just a one-way street. And it is okay if you're just giving and you're not receiving that back. Maybe that person isn't meant for you. Maybe you're not meant for them, but you still want to care anyway. Regardless, right? If you want to be someone's friend, care.

They will generally reciprocate that level of care. And you can determine your boundaries from then and there, but I strongly suggest and strongly urge people to shy away from the convention that your platonic relationships need to be as deep or as heavy or as important as your romantic or as your familial relationships. They can take many forms. As a person who grew up very, very poor. I was very privileged in that we had a house and we had food and we have all these things, but we just didn't have the means to go travel the world. We didn't have the means to have the latest and greatest whatever, right? And my way, even as a kid of traveling the world was asking people their stories, was learning more about how it is that they walked through the world. And each person has a different world. And if you want to extend and broaden your horizons, ask people for their stories. Care about how it is that they became the person that they are that's right in front of you. That's how you make friends.

Kate (27:38)

That's such phenomenal advice. And on that note, we are out of time for today. But Michael, thank you, thank you, thank you for joining me. I have so thoroughly loved this conversation. I am so, so blessed to have you in my circle. Michael and I met over ice cream several weeks ago because that's how I do business meetings. Like that's clearly the right answer for business meetings is ice cream. But it's...

It's joyful, it's fun, it's different. And it allowed us to connect in this really like authentic, genuine way over something that brings us right back to the simple things, the joys of childhood. And so I encourage all of our listeners to continue to show up authentically in your business, in your personal life.

Build those connections, reach out to Michael to check out Friend'em and learn about how we can continue to build these webs of just joy and vulnerability and showing up for each other in a world that doesn't always give a shit. Michael, if you would tell us, how can we find you on socials, on your website?

Fill us in.

Michael (29:01)

Absolutely and again, thank you so much for having me. I I think the world of you and I appreciate you so so so much You can find Friend'em at www.friendem.net. We are also on Instagram @letsfriendem. You can find us on Eventbrite @friendem as well. And we're on Bluesky as well and trying to post daily Friend'em chips. So yeah, check us out on Bluesky under Friend'em

Kate (29:19)

I love it. All right. Thank you again for your time. I've so enjoyed our conversation. That wraps it up for us today here on Bearing It All. We will be back in a couple of weeks with a new episode and a new guest. Have a wonderful year. Happy 2025 to everyone.